Sunday, November 28, 2010

the wonder of worry

Sometimes I wonder.  Am I too hard on myself? Am I making life harder than it needs to be? Many who know me well, will say yes. Definitely. In my family we call it the worry "curse."  It has been carried down from my mom's side of the family.  It has hit all us girls pretty good. It comes in many different strengths and lengths of time.

Many people tell me, and I have told myself this many times, that I need to stop worrying so much.  Well, I have come to the realization that I need to accept this part of me.  As much as I have tried, I cannot get this worry/stress/perfectionism view of mine to go away.  It is apart of me and always will be.  I know the older I get, the more stress I will have and the more things there will be for me to worry about. 

I over-think things, replay them over and over in my head, and analyze them til they fall apart.  I want things to be perfect.  I see something good, and I want it. I want it bad. I don't want to ruin things, so I sometimes hold myself back as to not cause any destruction.  I NEED TO STOP THIS! I need to live life to the fullest.  "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured"  I love that quote.  Thank you Gordon B. Hinckley.  Those words were phrased perfectly. 

I need to enjoy life more.  I need to take these things that worry me, and thrive off of them.  All too often I let my worries bog me down.  I reach stress overload and then I crash and burn.  Just think, if I could make these worries more of an energy source, and less of a downer.. oh the possibilities! They would be endless! (Ok, I sound like a dork.  Ha I'm just trying to give myself some motivation.  Haha sorry for sounding so cheesy.) But really, I would carry much more vivacity, liveliness, and love for life.  Thats what I need, and feel like I'm missing.  Every now and then I get to this point where I just feel blah.  I come home from a day of school and work and just feel.. blah. No energy.  No motivation to do anything productive.  I hate that feeling and I hate the feeling afterwards.  That I did literally nothing.  Its the worst.  And I'm in control of that.  I'm the only one that can really change it.

I need to take what life has given me thus far, and hold on tight when it sends me on a rollercoaster.

In all honesty, I'm scared. I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of failure. That may be my biggest fear. Failing to succeed in school.. career choices.. jobs.. love.. I don't want to mess up.  Though I know that when we mess up is when we learn and grow the most.  At least I have seen that for myself in many instances.  When I do something wrong, I know not to do it again and I can usually stop myself before it goes too far and progresses into something worse.  I am not perfect.  Yet, I want things, everything in my life to be sooo perfect.  And that is not the case in this ever-changing and tempestuous world in which we live.  We make mistakes.  All the time. 

That is my worry: that I will fail to make my life perfect.  Sounds like a joke, huh?  Its pretty inevitable that this life will not turn out perfect. So why the worry?  I have expectations for myself set pretty high.  But now I am realizing that I cannot let that get in the way of my progression and enjoyment in life.  I'm telling myself that it is good to have high expectations, that way I will not settle for something less than what I think is deserved.  I have the desire to do and be good.  Its just a matter of changing my attitude and how I go about getting what I want done.

I'm slowly figuring out this crazy life and I know everything will be alright in the end. 

Thanks to those reading.  It feels so good to get these thoughts out there.  Any suggestions for making this life a bit more enjoyable?? Much love and appreciation to you all. :)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Happy Days

Well hello my nearly long-lost blogging world.  Sorry I have been gone for so long. Life has been CRAZY busy and so much has happened, been happening, and will continue to happen. Ha I can barely keep track of it all!  Each day brings something new and I'm just trying to keep up!

Anyway,  I had a few thoughts today that I wanted to share. 

As I was on my way to work, I really got to thinking about people.  Yep, people.  Pretty general, I know, but it was really quite humbling.  As I merged onto the I-10 and took a look at all the cars passing by, I thought about all the people inside them.  Coming from various financial situations, employment statuses, family backgrounds, ways of being raised, personalities... the list goes on and on.  Then I thought about how sheltered I have been throughout my life.  Living in this beautiful Mesa Bubble, I have not been exposed to much. (Some of you may laugh by that statement because you know how true it is!) I have been surrounded by people with my same beliefs and faith my entire life.  I've gotten so used to the way my family and I live that I think its the norm.  Oh how mistaken I have been.  There are some crazy lives lived out there.  And I thought my family was crazy.  I'm not trying to sound prideful, but I live I pretty good life.  Pretty good is a huge understatement.  I am so blessed. 
It was such a humbling experience today, feeling and thinking about my life.  You see, I've thought a lot about my life lately and where I want to be in the future.  I am right in the mix of making some huge decisions.   I keep going back-and-forth, back-and-forth, when I know I just need to make a decision and stick with it!  Its so hard though, knowing that one choice can and will make all the difference for your future.  I know what I need to do and what I want to do. Now its just a matter of making sure those both fit into one!  I want to make the right decisions now, so that I don't make life harder on me in the future.  I'm a perfectionist, I want things done right the first time.  But I'm also very indecisive.  So in short, making decisions (especially ones that I know will be life-altering) is a very long process for me.  No matter what, I know life brings its struggles, challenges, and heartaches.  Its just a matter of doing whats right..everyday.  I know everything will fall into place as I do what I know I'm suppose to do.  How grateful I am for this knowledge and for God's plan for me.  I could not survive without it! 

Man I knew blogging about this would be a good thing for me.  I feel so much better already and I feel even more humbled and blessed!  Thank you blogspot(dot)com.  :)

And now for a fun trip down memory lane...

This is Miss Abigail Jane.  I remember this day so vividly.  Such a sweet girl.  Now she is just over 2 and a half years old.  I talked to her on the phone tonight, she said with such precision, "I miss you Joeeeyy.  I love you Joeeeyy."   I love my kids!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Superior People

I came across a great quote the other day.  It is by the beloved Harold B. Lee.  He said,

"The superior man is spiritual.  He exemplifies simplicity.  He abhors being conspicuous.  He is dedicated to service.  Superior people are never bitter.  Pessimism is the philosophy of vulgarity.  The superior person is clean.  His fellowship is refreshing.  He is above his pleasures...A superior man is gentle...Superior men are humble-minded, or teachable, and they learn from passerby.  The superior man is one with whom familiarity does not breed contempt.  The superior man lasts; he wears well."

Doesn't this just make you want to be a better person? To exemplify simplicity. To never be bitter.  To last. To wear well.  I love it.  I love coming across these wonderful things.  They make make me think outside the box and really contemplate my life.  Under all the stressful moments life brings us, we need to remember who we are and what we stand for.  We can be the superior person. We are superior people.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

love & anticipation

Alright, so I have been wanting to do a post about this for awhile.  A) Because I love this jewelry. B) I love the whole idea behind this organization. and C) Well, I just love everything about it.

Seriously. Take a look.  Here is the website: Click here.

In a short little nutshell, Musana Jewelry sells jewelry that is handmade by women in Uganda.  These women are hired and taught marketable skills and how to make and design jewelry.  This employment helps pull them out of extreme poverty within one year.  They are given flexible hours, a steady income, and after just 2 years they will have the skills and funds needed to pursue other goals. Additionally, the surplus profit is donated to Life Dairy, which will only impact many more lives in the best way possible.

Want to help spread the word?  Click here for more information.


- - - - - - - - - - -


It is now SEPTEMBER! You know what that means? El Charro should be opening up anyday now. 

Dear El Charro,

Rumor has it you're opening back up September 8th?? Please be good to my soul and stay true to this.  I will love you forever.  Let's be honest, even if you open up a few weeks later... I will still love you forever.  But really, just be a good little restaurant and open ASAP.  The summer months are always so hard without you.

Love a faithful customer who has been fed your food since the womb.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Getting back in the Groove

First week back to school? Check.
About ready to pull my hair out? Check.
Already lacking a tremendous amount of sleep? Check. Check. Check.

In such a short time my nights went from this:
(don't mind the poor quality from my photo booth)


Blissful nights, lying in bed, watching movie after movie.

to this:


Freaking out about school, books, studying, tests. Ahhh


School came and pounded on me hard.  It was a bit of a rude awakening to my summer of bliss.  (Would you call 3 summer school classes, hardly any swimming, and hardly any trips out of the AZ Summer Heat bliss though?) I sure would! I enjoyed this summer. I got things done.  I often feel I could have done so much more.. but I stayed busy.  Through the ups and downs, it was overall a great summer.

So when school came, I freeeeaaaked out.  I was so nervous, not knowing if I could handle all the pressure.   But today was a different story.  Today I felt stress-free!  I feel so motivated and excited.  Things that I have been so super stressed over for months now.. I'm finally just excited about.  I can't wait for these next few weeks.

I don't know exactly what it was that changed my attitude.


Maybe it was the 5 hour orientation today.  
Maybe it was the cloudiness and rain I saw out the window during breaks at school.  
Maybe it was the fact that John Mayer was playing in my car today.  
Maybe its because my car didn't read over 95 degrees outside..
Maybe it was because I ate a big bowl of Blueberry Mini Wheats for breakfast this morning. (High in fiber and antioxidants.. can't get much better than that!)  
Maybe it was because I got a grand total of 8 hours of sleep last night.  
Maybe it was all the C.S. Lewis quotes I read last night.


I still can't put my finger on it.  But I don't think it comes down to just one thing.  It's a combination.  It's the perception I allowed myself to have today.  I didn't feel bogged down at all today.  Things are working out.  Things are coming together.  That's what happens when you give yourself some time to adjust.  That's what happens when you trust, relax, and enjoy.

And to top it all off, I went for a great run this evening.  It was probably in the low 90's and there was such a nice breeze.  And ohhhh the Arizona sunset. So beautiful.


My challenge to you:  Take a different view on something. Anything.  Change your way of thinking.

And see what happens!  Your whole world could change.  Mine has already started to.  Today felt like a fresh start on life.  Funny how that can happen.  After being so worried and so stressed and so nervous.  I feel fine! I feel great. I feel happy.  I am happy.


I love school. ♥ 




Just one of the many treasures I found last night:

"My own eyes are not enough for me; I will see through those of others."
— C.S. Lewis

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Change is in the Air

As summer school has finally come to an end, I am trying to stay focused and make the most out of the next two weeks.  I am trying to make all of my time count as I know I will be a stranger to this world as the new semester begins.

This weekend I went to Sierra Vista, AZ with my cousin and aunt.  The main reason for the trip was for a funeral on Saturday.  I had only met this young man a couple times, but I really felt the need to go to show my love and support.  He was only 22 when he passed away.  His and his family's story is quite the heart-wrenching one.  They have all been through so much.  What wonderful examples they are to me. The funeral service was very nice.  One could not be there without feeling so much love. I honestly felt a renewing and revitalization of what I need to do with my life and my testimony of the Gospel was strengthened.  What matters most in this life? Family. I am a firm believer in that.  Also, being the best you can be at all times.  I was very touched during the speaker's talks.  I could go on and on.  Just know that there was a great spirit there and that we should all remember to love with all our hearts, be happy, know why you are so happy, and share it with others.  Even if that happiness is just shared through your example and the way you live your life. You can touch other people's lives without even knowing it.

Being in Sierra Vista, I was also able to spend a lot of time with my oldest sister Jill.  She has four beautiful kids and they are so much fun!  I went back and forth between my cousins house to my sisters, but I think I ended up spending most of my nights (and a lot of time during the day) at her house.  And I am so glad I did!!  It was so great to spend more time with her family.  Here is a sneak peek of them.  Click here.  I am speechless when I watch this. So beautiful.

If you think those pictures are good, just get to know their personalities.  They are the greatest.  My niece Lucy, (the five year old with the best bright red hair you've ever seen) was being a little stinker one day.  So I told her, "Luce you're a stinker!" She replied, "Well you're a smeller!" How could a little mind come up with such a thing?! She is so clever.

I went with my sister Jill to pick them up from school on Friday (my surprise visit to them).  Seeing my oldest nephew's face light up when he saw me and scream, "JoJo!!" absolutely made my day! Then we went into Lucy's classroom to get her.  We see her sitting at her table waiting patiently and watching other kids play.  I had a little flashback of when I was in kindergarten! I went and knelt beside her and said, "Hi Lucy!" with a big smile.  She gave me a hug not thinking anything of it at first. Then realized it was me and gave me a big squeeze.  She likes to have little hugging competitions, of who can squeeze the tightest.  We both win. :)

Abigail has a mind of her own as well.  She likes to chase her older siblings around the house.  Sam and Lucy love it.  They could do that for hourssss and hours.  She loves to do the dishes too.  Just being involved with everyone and in the mix of it all is what makes her happy.  One night I was watching them while Jill and Marcus went out on a date.  Abby pulled on my hand and said "Sit! Sit!" She just wanted me to sit with her and watch the movie.  I was gonna go in the kitchen and clean up, but she just wanted me.  :) I love being an aunt!!

Henry is the happiest baby.  Jill and I had just gotten back from shopping at Marshalls, the kids were all asleep (Marcus is a champ!), and Marcus was leaving for work.  Jill needed to get groceries, so I held down the fort in case any of them should wake up.  Not fifteen minutes after she was gone, I hear Henry's sweet cry.  I gave Jill a call because we both knew he was hungry and I sure couldn't help in that area.  For the next 40 minutes I just held and rocked him.  He calmed down after a short while and even though he was probably so frustrated he hadn't been fed yet, he made the sweetest faces to me.  I could feel his calm, happy temperament bursting through his skin.

I love those kids!! They are growing up so fast!  Ah I miss them so much. Sam, Lucy, Abigail, Henry you are forever loved by your Aunt JoJo!!

And lastly, Sam.  Sam is a stud.  He turned 7 last month.  He is so smart and a great big brother. He loves to make the little ones laugh.  When I was telling him goodbye, I went into his room to tell him how much I loved him.  I told him I'll love him forever.  To the moon and back and back and back.  He asked me, "Past the planets and worlds?" I said, "Past all the galaxies and back." He said, "Wow, that's a lot." 


I have this thing with my nieces and nephews where we go back and forth to say how much we love each other.  With my brother's kids too. We say things like, "I love you higher than the trees." "I love you bigger than an elephant."  "I love you taller than the mountains."  And etc.  It all stems from this book:


Buy one here!

Haven't read it? You should. It's a great one! One of our family favorites.



So after this weekend I have really felt and let it sink in that change is in the air.  Unexpectedly, cancer can enter someone's body and change their life forever, kids grow up so fast and change in the blink of an eye.  Life is moving fast.  So fast.  The Summer of 2010 is over.  2010?!  Aren't we suppose to be flying cars by now??  At least that's what I always thought when I was in Kindergarten :)

Bring on the change.  Bring on the struggles.  Bring on the adventures!  Bring on the love.  Bring on the challenge.  Bring on the excitement!  Bring on the studying... Bring it onnnn!!!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Discouragement to Determination

So I was going to do a post earlier today, but never got around to it. I had something written and everything.  After writing it, I decided I didn't want to post it and that it just felt good for me to write it all down.  Like Dori from Finding Nemo, I thought, "Whew. Glad I got that off my chest!" So that was that and I felt a little embarrassed to post. Like I would be writing a poor me, pitty party, sob story.  But just before going to bed tonight, I went to one of my most favorite websites, lds.org and watched the following video [check below] and I knew I had to post tonight. 
Besides, its been over two weeks since my last post so I figured it was time.

I have been feeling quite discouraged today. And this past week.  Have you ever felt like you just want and need a break from life? Just need to get away and forget everything that is surrounding you for a while? Boy, let me tell you. I have sure felt that lately.  I feel like such a rotten person for saying that too.  Because I mean, I love life.  I really do.  And I really have nothing worth complaining about.  I am doing things in my life now that I have always wanted to do.  I volunteer at the hospital every Saturday; by the end of this summer I will finally have all the credits I need to get an Associate's degree from MCC (woohoo!); I am in a Respiratory Care program at Gateway, getting a head start on my future career; I have a great, steady, part-time job; I live at home, just me and my parents (though I can't say that is something I have dreamed about :) I am in a great singles ward with amazing people; I have a calling that humbles me every Sunday; I have a family who loves me, friends who care. I am so blessed. So so so blessed.

All too often, though, I let little things get to me. I get so annoyed and fed up that I find myself getting cheated out on greater happiness that is right there in front of me.  When I get in these discouraged moods I find myself asking, "Why did this have to happen to me? Again?! This is so stupid!" I throw myself a tiny pitty party, trying to cut it short though.  (Who ever feels good in those kind of parties anyway?)  Then I am reminded of the most important things in life.  I take a look at all of my blessings and remind myself of all that I have in store for me and all that I have going for me.  I have so much to accomplish in this life.  If I stay feeling bogged down now, then there is no way I will be able to move forward.  I know where I came from, who I came from, why I am here, and where I am going.

I am determined.

Now, check out this video.  You won't be disappointed I assure you.  It is just what I needed to be reminded of this week.  I hope you get something out of it as well!


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Today = Love

I love Sundays.
I love the refreshing feelings of the love and appreciation I get for my Savior as I attend church meetings.  I love being enlightened.  I love good talks and lessons.  
I love coming home to my entire family (who still lives in Mesa) gathered in the family room.  I love joining in their conversation.
I love warming up a well-prepared meal from my mother.  
I love laughing. 
I love playing with my nieces and nephew.
I love love love days like these.



And I can't wait for two more additions to this clan!!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Only DIAMONDS now remain

So here I am, my blog has begun! I figure since I am on blogspot.com so much already (checking in on and following some brilliant minds. check out my sidebar for links.), I might as well start writing my own blog. Well, here it goes!

(It is a little lengthy for a first post.. I'm just breaking it in so bear with me!)

Anyone who knows me, knows that I loooove John Mayer. Two summers ago I went to his concert at Cricket Pavilion.  My love for him has only continued to grow since.  I would say it reached obsession at one point, but I've controlled that.  :)  His songs never get old.  There are so many of them that I feel I can relate to so well. Sounds lame I know, but its really quite true.  His song 'Clarity' has been one of my favorites for a while.  Well first, I just love the word clarity. But I can talk more about that later. And I love the lyrics.   A couple weeks ago, well maybe its been months now, I was jammin' out to one of my wonderful JM CD's on the way home from school.  I went right to this song because I knew it would put me in a less stressed mood. Anyway, one of the lines stuck out to me like it never has before.  "The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain." Its a phrase I have overlooked many times while I've listened to this song.  But not this time.  After some thought, I came to this conclusion:

Everyone in this world has a diamond inside of them. Everyone. Some try to hide it, covering it with rock candy, and some let it shine.  If you find yourself showin off your rock candy, try and find the time and power to let it melt away.  Rock candy may look great, come in a variety of colors, and be fun for a while, but it doesn't last and its not worth a penny.  Diamonds are beautiful, unique, and pure.  With the proper care, they can shine for lifetimes!  That is just like us, if we take care of bodies, spirits, and souls, we will last forever.  Now you can think of rock candy as being many things: materialistic cover-ups, or just personality cover-ups.  Don't let the world take over your mind and make you think you have to cover up what God has blessed you with.  Be real.  Let the true you shine. Share your talents.  Talents aren't just abilities like singing or playing an instrument, but they can also be thought of as ways of thinking.  Having a positive attitude, maintaining a humble amount of confidence, being a selfless person, and living a healthy lifestyle, all qualify as talents.  Talents take practice and experience, but we can all gain them if we work at it.  It is amazing how much one person can be blessed just by seeing a glimpse of someone's goodness. 

When I was listening to this song and having all these thoughts run through my head, I thought, "Ok, just a few more weeks of school and this rock candy can melt away and only my diamond will remain."  Not that I was covering up anything in my life, just that I had been so stressed with school and studying and tests that I had a hard time focusing on the other important things.  Vital things going on in my life.  Okay, it's beginning to sound that I threw my life away when I was in school.  That's not the case. I'm just trying to make the point that I didn't feel like I was putting my heart into anything anymore.  I could have given a better effort to accomplish everything that needed attention.

Well I'm here to say to you all that there is no need to wait. I am publicly committing myself that I will not procrastinate the goals I have set in my life. I am going to live.  Live life completely and love it.  When school starts up again this fall and as summer school wraps up, I am not going to get overly stressed.  I am going to enjoy every minute of the learning experiences and opportunities that come. Come what may, and love it.  

Let your diamonds shine through now. I know you've all got them!


Enough of these:



I wanna see some of this:





You know its true what they say, diamonds are a girl's best friend. So show a girl some love and let me see your diamonds! :)